stop kissing him then…
Several years ago, I met a guy who was PERFECT ON PAPER. At least the kind of paper I was working with back then. My taste in paper (men)(paper men?) has drastically changed since then…but that's another email.
He was checking all the boxes. Kind, smart, thoughtful, handsome, caring, etc.
But there was one small hiccup: I did not like it when we kissed (PSA that this had nothing to do with how cute he was or his kissing abilities…it was just some untraceable lack of chemistry that I'll blame on biology or genes or birth control).
Instead of admitting there was something wrong with US, I thought there was something wrong with ME. I thought the Universe had clearly sent me my soulmate (given all that good paper) and it was now my job to figure out how to become physically attracted to him.
So the kissing continued. When I told a friend about my conundrum (that I'd met my soulmate but, as yet, hated kissing him) she told her husband (traitor! jk…I consented), and his response was: “Well tell her to stop kissing him then!" He also pointed out the obvious - most people like kissing their soulmates.
What's sad is that it took someone else's permission for me to let this relationship go - instead of trusting myself from the start.
But why? Why didn't I trust myself? Why all the kissing?
If I was my own client, this is where I would have asked: what were you thinking??But really, what were you THINKING and BELIEVING at the time to stay in that relationship?
Because our beliefs shape our behavior. Let's take a look under the hood - these were some of my beliefs at the time:
I can't trust myself
I can't trust who I am attracted to and who I am not
I can't trust my body
I have to endure sexual activity that I don't like (oof)
This must be my soulmate bc of all the “signs” from the Universe (giving away ALL of my power and autonomy to the Universe).
I don't know what is best for me
These beliefs were at the root of why I just kept kissing him (and wasted months of both our time).
Those were the beliefs that I needed to shift, if I ever wanted to find my soulmate - whom I also enjoyed kissing.
The beliefs I worked on and continue to reinforce today sound like: I can trust myself. I can trust my body. I do not have to engage in any sexual activity that I don't want to engage in. I know what is best for me.
Only good kisses from here on out…
xo,
Jessica
