when fitting in hurts…
We know that humans have a strong, survival-based drive to “fit in” to the culture around us.
That can be all well and good, as long as your authentic self meshes with your culture's values and rules.
If your culture has limited parameters around the people it values (white, male, no muggle affiliations, worships Voldemort) and your authentic self happens to fit within those parameters, it's going to be smooth sailing for you in life.
But what happens when your authentic self is at odds with your culture?
You might twist and contort yourself to fit within the box your culture has labeled “good and acceptable” human.
You might turn on yourself and think there is something deeply wrong with you that you can't live between the lines culture has drawn for you.
Continue that line of thinking and you may fall into depression, learned helplessness, apathy, and numbness.
Culture wants you to believe that you are the broken one. But a culture that does not allow for the authentic expression of human beings is the broken thing.
It's worth noting that culture is relative. Culture can be the culture of the town you grew up in. Your family. Your grade, middle, high school, and college cultures. American culture. The culture of the people you currently surround yourself with, etc.
The more people I talk to, the more common I think it is to feel like you don't fit in with your culture.
And our continued effort to “fit in” to something that doesn't fit is hurting us. Causing us to waste years in careers we hate and relationships that are bad for us. To sacrifice the beautiful & complex & divine beings that we are at our core & instead play a role that bores us to death.
The great fear of becoming ourselves, in a culture that may not approve of who you are, is that we will be alone.
It is not a fear I take lightly with myself or people I work with. It's deep, evolutionary, and triggers the hell out of your nervous system.
But I want to remind you what's on the other side. When you fully choose to be who you are. Do what you love to do. Love who you choose to love. Dress how you want to dress. All the things.
You will sink into a deep sense of worthiness. Of knowing who you are and loving who you are. You will sense something ancient and divine within you. You will feel connected to the world and better understand your place in it. You will connect to your purpose and how you are here to serve. & the FREEDOM!
And then there will be your chosen culture. Who you decide to align yourself with. The people who will make you feel accepted, supported, and loved for your true self. The people who bust the myth that being yourself means you will be alone.
I'll leave you with a question I asked myself earlier this week:
If you grew up in a culture that fully supported and celebrated your authentic self, who would you be today? What would you be doing? What would your life look like?
Just be yourself. Be yourself. Be youurrseeellff (sung in the voice of Ryan Reynold's mom in “Just Friends”…shoutout to Neely and Molly).
Love,
Jessica
